


Captain Barbie

by Bwubble



Series: Marvel Oneshots [11]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Canon Era, F/M, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Tony Stark Needs Sleep, everyone loves fluff, just fluff, sleep deprived tony
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-30
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-12-26 22:10:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18291215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bwubble/pseuds/Bwubble
Summary: Tony went out to cool off, took out some Hydra guys, but some hacker stole a file. And not just some file...





	Captain Barbie

**Author's Note:**

> I am so not sorry for this XD
> 
>  
> 
> (Also, this is unedited, so sorry if there are any mistakes)

"You know what," An arrogant voice wavered into the common room, shortly after followed by it's owner. "I just had one of those I'm-having-a-bad-day-let's-self-reflect-moment, and it didn't end well for me and Jarvis." Tony kept a straight face as he walked past the team and into the kitchen, before they literally exploded into shouts and screams.

"Tony!" It seemed like Bruce was the most concerned one, as he was the one that got up the quickest to run after him. "Back track a bit, and please explain _what happened_." The poor scientist was basically sweating with concern, and he could feel his hairs turning gray as he stood in front of the billionaire.

A ding from the elevator interrupted Tony's attempt at an answer, and walking out came a cal, but furious Pepper. She ignored the still arguing Avengers and stalked over to where her husband stood, who - after having noticed Pepper was mad - took a deliberate step away from her. That didn't stop the CEO however, as she just kept walking until she was right in front of Tony. In her hand was a tablet, which portrayed a news paper clipping. "Care to explain?" She said, a sickly sweet tone to her voice.  The rest of the team had stopped shouting, and were now wistfully quiet, as to wait for Tony's reaction.

The man himself visibly paled, and he started stammering "Honey, sweetheart, light of my life, chocolate bunny, I can explain!" There was a now-forgotten cup of coffee in his hands, which Bruce carefully moved out of his grasp and onto the counter.

Pepper raised an eyebrow. "Then do so."

Tony looked around the room for support, but everyone averted their gaze. They sure as hell didn't want to interrupt Pepper when she was like this. They valued their life too much. Resigning to his fate, he sighed and looked down. "Okay, Pep, look. I was having a ba- not so good day, and I wanted a couple of thugs to beat up. So I asked Jarvis to search some Hydra thugs - because let's face it, the world could do without them - and I went out to fight them. It worked, but somehow a smart _somebody_ hacked Jarvis and overrode his system. They decided to play around with the files, and managed to do so, before I could get them back. Which eventually resulted in this." At his last words, he gestured vaguely towards the tablet that was still in Pepper's hands. 

The room was quiet for a moment, everyone holding their breath in suspense for Pepper's reaction. It was only then that the woman noticed her husband was covered in various sizes of bruises, and it did not improve her mood. At last, she let out a defeated sigh. Her hand pinched the bridge of her nose as she closed her eyes and asked "When did you even make this video?" 

The man chuckled awkwardly. "About that. I was at the end of a week long engineering binge without sleep, and I decided to forget all the fucks I gave for the world and make that."

It was silent again, before Clint piped up "Can we see the video?"

Tony paled even more, and made a grab for the tablet as he said "No! Absolutely not!". His wife only smiled and retorted "Jarvis, please put the video on screen". The video started playing on the TV where most of the Avengers were sitting, and after scoffing 'Jarvis you absolute traitor', Tony resigned to his fate and joined them on the couch. 

The room was in absolute silence as the video progressed. It showed an obvious sleep-deprived Tony in his workshop. He was wearing an old, faded AC/DC t-shirt paired with ripped jeans, and both were covered in grease. Behind him was one of the bigger worktables, filled with all different sized of metal scraps. but right in the middle lay a suit. The Tony of the video looked at the camera, before saying " _Are we recording Jarvis? Yeah? Good._ " He then smiled, chugged down the rest of what was in the mug that he was holding, before throwing said mug away. It crashed somewhere, and Tony visibly flinched.

" _Oops. You might need to clean that up later Dummy. Gives you something else to do than making milkshakes._ " An indignant beep came from behind the view of the camera, and video Tony snorted. " _Don't give me that look buddy. You know it's true. Anyway-_ " He clapped his hands together, a habit most of the Avengers recognized. " _I have made something very special, and this is not because I haven't been sleeping for a week - although it does have a part in it. No, I made this because I desperately want to see Captain Star-Spangled in this, and you want to too Jarvis, don't deny it._ " In the video, Jarvis spluttered a few scrambled words, which only confirmed Tony's statement. Tony walked towards his workbench, and the camera followed. He picked up the suit, before holding it out towards the camera with a proud look on his face. " _See how cool this is! Imagine Capsicle walking around in this, or even better, fighting in this!_ " 

Then the video abruptly got cut off, and showed a split-second of black video. The whole team could hear Tony groaning from his position on the couch, and a couple of quick looks showed that he had slumped down and averted his head into Thor's arm, whilst the god looked quite happy with himself. The video continued, showing the workshop once more.

But this time, instead of Tony in his working outfit, there stood a Tony in a suit. The _pink Captain America-_ suit. The man himself in the video looked very proud that he was wearing it, but it was clear that the suit wasn't made for him. It sagged off of him in several places, but it seemed like the sleep-deprived-high-on-caffeine-Tony didn't care. He just smiled towards the camera, grabbed the shield and yelled " _I am Captain Barbie!_ ". There was a second of roaring laughter from Jarvis before the video ended.

The room was absolutely silent for the fourth time that day, and before anyone could do anything, Tony jumped up and sprinted out of the common room whilst yelling loud curses along the way. They all watched him go. Nobody dared to say anything, but after a moment the silence got broken by the Captain himself.

"Is it bad that I want to wear that suit right now?"


End file.
